Everyone is different, and the same is true for each individual pregnancy, birth, and parenthood experience. September of 2021, I gave birth to my son. He was perfect, and I can truly say that my birthing experience was perfect for me. I had an awesome nurse and it was really just the nurse, my fiancé, and myself in the room for the most part. Being a very modest and private person when it comes to my body, I was grateful. In some ways, COVID had been on my side in that moment, only allowing my fiancé into the hospital during our stay. No hurt feelings toward family members not being allowed in the hospital, and less stress on us in our very overwhelming but exciting first family moments.
During my pregnancy, I decided to use a team of midwives at a hospital instead of a doctor or just one midwife at home. I liked the idea of having access to the hospitals resources if needed, but also liked the idea that I would definitely know the person who would deliver my baby. Don’t take that as an opinion that doctors aren’t great. If you have a family doctor or find one that you want to work with through your pregnancy and birth, that can be fantastic. My only concern with a doctor was they are not always available in that time of need. If that occurs, you could end up with a stranger. I didn’t feel comfortable with that concept. With midwives, you can either hire a personal midwife, or like me, go through a midwife center that allows you to meet all of them and always know who will deliver your baby. However, if you don’t agree with one of them, you won’t have a say if they happen to be the one on duty the day you give birth. My experiences with my midwives were great. They were attentive to my questions and provided me with a lot of educational resources to feel more prepared for the birthing experience, and my own bodily changes during pregnancy and postpartum.
Five months into my pregnancy, my step sister also found out she was pregnant. Her and I are pretty close, so this was exciting news as we got to share in the experience. We both had a nice support system through our pregnancies, and I could also share the lessons I learned along the way. I also persuaded her to use the midwives. However, in the end, our overall experiences with pregnancy, birth, and using the midwives were very different.
My first few months of pregnancy were the hardest. I had pretty bad morning sickness, but fortunately it was usually only later on in the evening. My sister on the other hand, she had really serious morning sickness all day long and could rarely keep anything down. She ended up losing a lot of weight drastically while I had no such problems. My morning sickness also began to taper off around week 14, which is the average time that most soon to be moms begin to lose their morning sickness. My sister on the other hand had it till well into week 26, and on and off again throughout the rest of her pregnancy. Her morning sickness also put her in danger of dehydration and other stressors so she ended up at the hospital for weekly visits to get intravenous fluids pumped into her system as well as some vitamins to try and help fight off her morning sickness.
I was also lucky that I really had no mood swings. The sudden influx of hormones in your system from growing a baby are most likely responsible for any nausea you might experience, but also random highs and lows in your mood (you can read more about this here). Many mothers report feeling very emotional in situations they normally do not. My sister was very susceptible to these swings in emotion and it caused her great anxiety. Her anxiety got so severe, she was prone to panic attacks. This led her midwives to prescribe her medication to help stabilize her moods and prevent panic attacks. They were also worried that she was more likely to develop postpartum depression.
Comfort wise, I did mostly ok. I had some sciatic pain, but found a maternity belt that helped immensely. I also had some swelling, but was able to use some compression socks that helped with this. I was told having a daily routine of going for walks, which I did most every day. I was also told putting my feet up often and drinking lots of water would help, but the socks were really the only thing that helped me.
My sister on the other hand only had swelling the last week of her pregnancy, and she didn’t experience as much sciatic pain. She was exceptionally tired the last few months, so she found it difficult to go on too many walks. Her baby was positioned differently than mine, so most of her discomfort had to do with her urinary tract and sometimes hip pain. Her babies position was much more firmly on her bladder than mine, which actually resulted in a urinary tract infection. Unbeknownst to her, the urinary tract infection then turned into a kidney infection that required her to seek medical attention. She spent multiple days in the hospital hooked up to an IV distributing her antibiotics.
The day I went in to labor started like any other day for that last 3 weeks. I woke up early in the morning and my fiance and I went for a walk. We filled the day with activities and tried to stay busy. By the late afternoon, I was feeling a little off. I ended up feeling labor pains, and by 7 that night I was in the hospital on my way to delivering my baby boy. The toughest part for me was figuring out what position my body wanted to be in to deliver my son. It took multiple different positions over the course of several hours before we were seeing any sort of progress. I had about 12 hours of labor, 2 hours of pushing, and my beautiful baby boy was born at 4:55 the next morning (Labor day of all days).
My sister had a much harder labor than me. While most women don’t really feel pre-labor, she was having noticeable pains pretty early on. She woke up at 2 am on Friday and started feeling pretty bad cramp like pains. She questioned it and called the midwives who told her they didn’t think she was in labor. She ended up going in to see the midwives later that afternoon to be sure, and they said she was only 1 centimeter dilated, that it could be days yet and they sent her home. She went home and tried to sleep, but found the pain too intense. She found herself back at the hospital the next day, but she was still only 1 centimeter. They ended up giving her some pain medication to try and allow her to have some rest before they would induce her. After some rest, they induced her, but even after that it took almost another 20 hours. She was finally able to deliver her baby boy early Sunday morning. Unfortunately, he was immediately rushed off to be incubated and supervised for Meconium Aspiration after inhaling meconium on the way out, but he ended up being taken off the incubator after 6 hours. He was nice and healthy and they were able to go home two days later.
My sister and I are just two examples of how completely different everyone’s experience can be. We all have different needs, different bodies, different tolerances, different babies, and different support systems. Child birth is a type of trauma. It can be a beautiful trauma, or it can feel quite devastating. You can have everything planned out and still find that you are not prepared. You can try to control most every aspect, but ultimately, our will is not the will of the other people around us or the many circumstances that could happen. And as much as it is possible to give birth on your own, I don’t know of a single person who would recommend it. So my words to any future moms or dads is, prepare yourself as much as you’re comfortable, but also be aware that you will have to be very patient and open to the unknown and unpredictable.
My little family and I had to make a quick little road trip to the next state up. We were looking at a 5 hour trip without stops. With a 1 year old, that length could get stretched by a little to quite a lot. If you haven’t read my past post on traveling by train, we had chosen that method in the past due to my sons past hate with his car seat. We have made leaps and bounds with his dislike of the car seat, and he now seems to be quite impartial. Like anyone, he only fusses when there is something wrong or it has been an all day in and out sort of day. All seems pretty reasonable to me. That being said, we haven’t had quite a lengthy stretch of being strapped into a seat without lengthy stops in between. We were on somewhat of a time crunch, so we were trying out best to have as little of stops possible. We also made sure to leave pretty early in the morning. My son likes to sleep in, so this would hopefully give us at least an hour of sleeping for the first part of the trip. The rest of the trip is what leads me to my tips and tricks for keeping a occupied and mostly happy baby on any lengthy car ride.
Tip 1 is to prepare lots of distractions ahead of time. What I mean by this is to have an activity, snack, and maybe even some music for every hour. Don’t give them everything all at once either. If you want to really be organized, you can prepare a bag for every hour with a different snack and toy. I would also bring some extra toys just in case one doesn’t seem to be making the cut for an hour long distraction. I am not that organized, so I just threw tons of toys in one bag, and tons of different snacks and drinks in another.
Tip 2 is to make some planned stops no matter what. Obviously with a baby there are no exceptions. They need their diapers changed. They need to be fed. And its also great for everyone to get out and stretch for a bit. We made sure to absolutely have a brunch place picked out that was almost half way. We also found multiple rest stops along the way that had nice grassy areas to sit and stretch out for a bit.
Tip 3 and this one is a little hit or miss with people. I used to feel like screen time was an absolute no. I really didn’t want to influence my child with computers and television. Over time, I started to realize how illogical that is this day and age. First, my sons generation uses technology. It’s an important part of how the world works. I wouldn’t want to keep him from being able to keep up with the ways of the world. Even to get a job these days, you have to know your way around a computer. This does not mean that children should have screen time all the time. It has been proven to not be as beneficial to their development. But if once a day for 30 minutes or so you let your child have a show or game on a tablet, its not going to hurt them. My son is only 1, so there’s not too much he can do with a tablet or computer yet. But I will tell you that I have found the perfect media balance for my son through Ms. Rachel.
If you haven’t heard of Ms. Rachel, and you have a child from the ages of 0 to 5, I would highly recommend you check her out. Her videos are free and located on Youtube. Now, hear me out. She can sound quite obnoxious with her heightened voice to capture our little attention, and the endless repetitive nature of her songs and lessons for our littles, especially since there aren’t that many videos, but it is so worth it. First, the babies love it. I haven’t met one yet that hasn’t loved her. Second, she is really good at what she does and it’s still educational. Third, I don’t know many shows that actually cater to 0-2 year olds. Fourth, try it and see how much you can get done, and then get back to me. Screen time is not my go to on a road trip, but it’s always my back up. Any time my son starts to throw a tantrum in his car seat, I can show him Ms. Rachel and he brightens right up. Maybe its not the greatest technique. I’m sure someone out there will shame me for this. However, I am a first time mom. I do the best that I can. And until I find another way, this works.
So these are a few of my tips and tricks. Have some toys, snacks, and check out Ms. Rachel. I have also found that playing some audio books or podcasts tends to be quite soothing to my babe, depending on the narrator of course. This was a short but sweet little trip, so it was a good tester for when we need to take a much longer road trip in the near future to visit some family a few states over. We shall see how well he does when the trip turns into a multi day event. If any of you have any neat tricks and tips of your own, please share them below! Safe travels.
Parenthood is not an easy job. You have taken on the responsibility to raise this little being, or maybe multiple little beings. You now have the important task of keeping this other person alive. You are in charge of helping them develop into an independent, and we all hope, decent human being. It is a daunting task, but usually one that is also extremely rewarding. It’s terrifying, but also one of the most amazing experiences. And through it all, we can lose touch with ourselves and our partners in parenthood. We can find ourselves so immersed in our children, that we don’t realize we are trying to control every move that other people make with our children, even our partners. I am guilty of this at times. Enough so that I think it is important to talk about this and bring light to this perfectly normal, but not very healthy habit. And hopefully this reaches you in the earlier stages of parenthood, as we all know how hard it is to break habits once they have really rooted themselves in who we are and our relationships.
What “control” am I referring to? Well here’s some of my own personal examples. I spend more time with my son than anyone else. I am a stay at home mother most of the time (I only work 1 or 2 days a week), and my son’s dad works from home. Even though he works from home, his job keeps him very busy, so I am still basically alone with our son most of the week day. I also am the oldest of six kids, with pretty large gaps in between our ages. On top of that, I have spent a lot of my college years taking classes on child development as well as working with children in a number of my previous jobs. This has accumulated into a very easy and almost natural comfort with taking care of and raising my son.
My fiance on the other hand, while also being a natural, still has had a few lessons along the way in some of the basics. The very first hour our son was born, the nurse had to teach him how to change our sons diaper, as he had never done it. And this is the first example I have. Those first days, I would find myself watching him change our sons diaper and I would just internally nit pick all the ways that he could do it better, or what he was doing wrong. Ultimately, it’s not exactly a hard thing to learn. And the right thing to do would have been to either ask him if he would like any tips, or just let him do it his own way.
As time has gone by, my son and I have gotten to know each other. I started to notice certain tells of when he would need something, things he doesn’t like, or when he was getting tired. When my fiance would have our son, I would find myself telling him everything our son was trying to communicate. Eventually, my fiance made a comment that finally made me realize how controlling I was really being. Ultimately, my son and his father will also have their own relationship. It is not my job to explain everything that goes on between them. It is also important for them to bond and figure each other out in their own time. It is not only not fair to the two of them, but an extremely unhealthy habit for me to form for myself and for my family.
Many of you may have heard the term “helicopter parenting.” This term refers to being overly controlling in parenting methods, also known as authoritarian parenting. At the time, many parents may believe that being controlling is just a form of love and protectiveness. This may be true but, in actuality, children of helicopter parents have more issues with anxiety, depression, and overall happiness in life. The authoritarian parenting style has also been linked with decreased academic achievements and behavioral issues. So, while most parents believe this method will protect their children, in truth it could actually do more harm than good.
Now, I don’t think of myself as a very controlling parent. I do let my son learn through many of his actions. But he is only 8 months old right now. What habits I form now, are what will most likely stick with me through my sons development. These habits could only get more defined over time, and most likely they won’t only influence my son, but also his father and anyone who has a prominent role in his life.
When I began to notice these controlling habits I was forming, I tried to take a step back and analyze my thought process in regards to my son. And when I started to stop myself from being so particular with every other person’s interactions with my son, I started to realize how much less stress I felt. I also started to really enjoy all the moments between my son and everyone around him. I have found that these interactions, though often very different from my own, are all little steps for him to learn about social interactions and how different people can be. It will not only help him become a better and more diverse person, but it is essential for his own happiness.
In summary, there is always a balance we must play with parenthood. How much to we as parents insert ourselves in our child’s development? How much do we control what our child does, and what the people around him do? When is it important for us to step in and provide guidance? Though it is our job as a parent to protect our children and try to steer them in the right directions, a lot of the job also requires us to give them room to learn through their experiences. To learn through their failures and their successes. To develop their own relationships. To not hover over their every move, and everyone else’s every move with them. To trust in this balance in the end, will only strengthen your bond with your child and partner, as well as increase the possibility of a happy and healthy future.
With new babies, there is always an excitement with the firsts and the pivotal milestones. Everyone wants to hear about the babies first smiles, giggles, babbles, and so on. Each step is this amazing new experience for both the baby and everyone who gets to see it happen. Each new step is a small window into whether they will have a sense of humor or be a little more serious. Whether they are inquisitive or mischievous. If they will be a little shy or immodest. If they have a little sass or they just want compassion and snuggles. But what about all the other first that are not so fun? I found, especially with first-time parents, that every negative experience came with immense feelings of guilt or anxiety. Google becomes either your best friend or your worst enemy, as the constant search for answers becomes an everyday occurrence. The need to feel like you aren’t the only one, you are not a bad parent, this is just another common step that almost every child makes, becomes a necessity for your relief from this anxious mess you have become. Well, welcome to parenthood. And in many ways, I am starting to understand this is a sign of being a good parent. So if you have felt this way before, or many times over, give yourself a pat on the back. It is going to be okay.
My first experience dealing with this onslaught of self-doubt came in a minor situation. After spending an hour or more in the car, my baby who was a little over 3 months at the time, began to get fussy. I went through the routine while we were parked in a parking lot of feeding him and then checking his diaper. At the time, we had a brand new grill in a box in the back of the van for a Christmas gift. I thought it made a perfect platform for me to give him a quick change. I laid out his changing pad and set him on it. After getting him out of his wet diaper, I realized his wipes were in the front seat. I had his father pass them back to me. In that 3 seconds of not holding him down or keeping my eye on him, he had slid headfirst over the side of the box and gotten wedged between the box and the passenger seat. Fortunately, a blanket had also been wedged down there, so his head was gently resting on the blanket while his butt and legs were still on the box. He seemed completely fine with the situation other than being a little surprised. But of course, my thoughts went right to all the “what ifs!” “Oh my gosh, he could have broken his neck!” “If the blanket hadn’t been there he could have gotten hurt!” “I can’t believe I dropped my baby!” Now, this scenario wasn’t that bad. I didn’t walk away with a crying baby. He wasn’t injured. Everything, in the end, was okay. However, I was still the first parent to make a mistake and I could feel the guilt of all the “what ifs” weighing on me.
Fast forward to 6 months. We went down to visit some family in California via the train (read about our train experience with a baby here). We spent a week with our son’s grandparents, and they graciously offered us their bed so it would be big enough for the three of us. At home, my son sleeps in a co-sleeper bassinet since he still breastfeeds regularly throughout the night. He has not been trained to sleep in a crib yet. The only other option they had was a crib near the bed. I tend to side feed when we are home, and I do fall back asleep often while he is eating. This hasn’t been an issue for us. I usually wake back up shortly after he finishes and I move him back to his bassinet. Being in a new place, I was a little nervous when I would need to feed him on the side that was the edge of the bed. All week, I would move to the middle of the bed and keep my arm around him in case I fell asleep. I am an extremely light sleeper and wake at any small movement that he makes. This system worked all week long. About mid-week, our son was starting to get a little more aggressive in his movements at night. He was finally on the verge of rolling over during tummy time. Our second to last night there, the scenario that plagued my nightmares finally played out. Our son rolled out of bed. It felt like slow motion. I woke up to the feeling of him pushing himself away from me with his feet. Unfortunately, I couldn’t move my arm to catch him, as his feet decided my hand and arm were the perfect objects to push off of. And over the side he went. The house is entirely made up of hardwood floors. Fortunately for him, his grandparents had the forethought of putting rugs around the bed, so it could have been a much worse situation. The “thunk” that sounded when he hit the floor haunted my dreams for weeks. His father immediately woke up beside me, jumped out of bed, and panicked. “Oh my god, did he just fall out of bed! F****!”
I immediately reached for him, picked him up, and searched for the light so I could assess the situation. While his father frantically paced the room and freaked out, I got the light on, looked my son over, and tried to soothe him. I felt along each limb, his head, and I looked him in the eyes for anything abnormal. He seemed fine, just startled. He had a small red mark on his forehead, but that was the only sign of injury. Ultimately, he was fine. He took about 10-15 minutes to calm down and fall back asleep. His father and I however were a whole other matter. First, I tried to calm his father because his panicking was not going to help our son calm down and go back to sleep. I explained that his son just needs comfort and to know we are there when he is hurt. At that, his father came over and held him till he fell asleep. Then I tried to internally tell myself that my son was fine and that I wasn’t a horrible person for allowing this to happen.
After climbing back in bed, with one of us on either side of our son, we both continued to lay there and play “what ifs” in our heads. We also googled anything we should be concerned about. What I found was that this was a lot more common than one would think. That a lot of parents feel guilt the first time their children get hurt or fall out of bed. I also learned that babies are a lot more durable than you would think. They are fragile, but they aren’t so fragile that every bump and bruise has to lead to instant panic. There was no blood, no screaming when I assessed his limbs, and his eyes were dilating correctly (a sign of concussion). He was fine, and it probably will not be the last of his head bumps and falls.
The last example I have of the not so fabulous “firsts” is the first time they get sick. This one is unavoidable, and something I did not look forward to. Fortunately, the first time this occurred I was somewhat prepared. Due to the possibility of fever after his vaccinations, I had baby Tylenol on hand. I should have known that things were a little off when he slept more than usual and wasn’t interested in food. By the late afternoon, I noticed he was warm and we took his temperature. Sure enough, he was over 102, and we immediately popped some Tylenol in his mouth. We then took his temperature pretty often and were relieved to see his temperature reduce to around 99. The hardest part, was it moved to his throat and this kept him up most of the night. Listening to his raspy cries was difficult. We always want our babies to be comfortable and happy. It hurts our hearts to hear their cries of pain and discomfort when there isn’t anything we can do about it. I just held him through the night, and by the next day, he was a lot more himself. Not completely over it, but so much better.
These are just a few examples of some of the firsts that we don’t look forward to. Of course, there are also the less serious ones, such as the first time you get pooped or peed on. The first time they soil their clothes and you don’t have a backup. The first time they spit up in your face or even in your mouth. We as parents have the pleasure of experiencing most, if not all of these firsts. What we all need to understand, is that it’s not our fault. That we aren’t alone. That in the end, we aren’t bad parents just because things happen. We do the best we can, and we show our children by not panicking, that in these “bad” moments, we are here for them. We are a source of comfort and care. And that’s what makes us good parents.
I know I am not the only mother during this pandemic that has felt the lack of social interaction and long-term loneliness of this last couple years. With the onset of COVID, we were all thrust into this new world of little interactions from having to quarantine from the rest of the world, in many cases even from family. The last few generations have already been losing sight of how to be in the “here” and “now”. Add in a pandemic and it’s an entire new breed of people, especially the younger generations. We may even have to relearn social cues and facial expressions with the lift on mask mandates. I have even heard they have classes for some of the younger generations on proper etiquette in different social situations.
My brother is a great example of how this pandemic has really impacted many young adults. He graduated high school amidst the pandemic. He looked forward to starting college so that he could start fresh and meet new people with common interests. Instead he found himself stuck getting a virtual education without the ability to meet any of his peers. So his day to day is spent mostly in his room where he takes his classes virtually or plays video games. He has confessed to me on multiple occasions about how he has found it difficult this past couple years to make any friends without having a source such as school or extra curricular activities. I can only imagine how mundane and lonely this routine is over time, especially for young adults his age who are just starting to figure out how to be independent. I would not be surprised if more people his age end up staying at home rather than moving out, either due to housing cost or lack of understanding social constructs.
It is not unknown that this pandemic has drastically increased cases of depression and anxiety. Chronic loneliness has been linked to not only mental health deterioration, but the deterioration of various biological systems such as the nervous, immune, and cardiovascular systems. It is not out of line to say that we humans need social interaction. And while our mental health care system is in some serious need of revision and availability, it is our job to find ways to prevent this degradation in our own physical and mental health.
I personally have found more acceptances to being alone. Most people who know me would say I am a very social being. This pandemic has altered my need to be super social with others, but I do have the fortune of having a significant other in my life that I find very easy to spend most of my time with. This is not to say I am not prone to loneliness or depression. I have had my fair share of highs and lows throughout my life, to the point at times of needing medication and intervention. Now that I am a mother, specifically a stay at home mother, I can say that being preventative is necessary. Though I have found acceptances to my isolation, as I begin to dabble in the life of parenthood, I now find myself missing those social interactions outside of my relationship. I want to socialize with others that are on a familiar path. I have heard again and again about the loneliness other stay at home mothers feel during these times. So here I am trying to throw out some ideas on how other stay at home parents might be able to find some social outlets.
I do find the need for social media to pursue any type of new relationships to be somewhat concerning. But I have also found that I am not the only one having to use these outlets that have similar concerns. So, I guess we have to get with the times and find some sort of balance and positivity in this new social construct. In fact, we all may as well get used to it, as the ever changing evolution of society is moving toward a less physically interactive system, and toward a technological and distance based society. And this is how I found myself not only using social media to promote my blog, and myself but also to form new relationships and find new outlets during this very isolating period of time.
Being the social butterfly that I am, I have instigated enough conversation with other mothers to find a number of beneficial groups through various social media platforms. These groups have allowed me to meet others that I can converse with, or even have small outings with. I have joined a mom’s book reading club, a walking group, and a babysitting co-op. All three of these have given me some much needed time outside of my own head and with other parents and their kids. This has also allowed me to meet others with similar interests and parenting methods that I would feel comfortable introducing to my family. If there is any way that I can help my son grow natural and proper social etiquette, I will try my hardest to do that. Finding like-minded families has given me the hope that my son will have friends to learn with and from in the near future.
Another outlet I have found is to pick up something that you may have left in the past. This is more of a “personal time” improvement during isolation. I haven’t done as much art as I used to. So this more quiet time in my life, I have found the time to do something that I used to be so passionate about. I have also found that watching others through social media that are also passionate about art has given me inspiration and the drive to pick it back up. I have set new goals to do at least one new art piece a week. Within a month or so I plan to start posting some of my prints on my website. I will have prints and postcard sets for sale soon on my site. I hope you all take a look!
The third tip I have is to find things for your child. All of the activities I have found for my son, in turn have introduced me to new people and resources. I have found that he has a love for swimming. I take him to some of the local community centers that have kiddie pools or shallow warm pools for us to swim in. I have also found a children’s museum for all ages that is chalked full of activities and other children and parents. My son is still pretty young, so many activities are still off the table. However, they grow so fast, so the opportunities are becoming more and more available as the days come.
So here’s my tip to you. If you are feeling lonely or isolated, look at local groups through social media. Find something you are interested in, whether its reading, going for walks, your pets, any kind of art, etc. There is bound to be a local group that caters to that interest. Find activities for yourself, and for you and your children. If you want to find friends, you got to do a little bit of the work yourself. So, don’t be shy and start having some conversations. You are bound to find a few people with similar interests and paths that are just as lonely as you. If all else, start a group yourself! And join me on my journey. I will be your friend and I am more than happy to have some much needed conversations about life, parenthood, or many other topics that I am sure we are commonly interested in.
This is a poem I wrote my freshman year of college for a political assignment in collaboration with an art piece I had done.
Uncle Sam
My minds digested
By lifes fucked up message
The nations appendage
To strengthen Sam’s expression
of oppression, America’s regression
Fraudulent transgression
No such thing as laxity
Mind locked in captivity
only productivity
and general relativity
All I want is fabricated
by what I created
and not whats dictated
repetitively translated
No such thing as freedom
Suggestions I can see from
Only what makes me numb, and cumbersome
Thats just how life goes
Only “God knows”
why men oppose
how the mind flows
Concocted calamities, artificial families
and arduous financial fees
Like money’s made of trees
Now what you think of me?
mankind’s revolution
leads to global execution
no such thing as resolution
tainted minds, our brains pollution
Clouded biases in the Constitution
Pretending we have unity
the land of opportunity
A make believe community
I have US of A immunity
A little insight from you to me
Like you’re someone I would believe
Having a baby is a big change. It’s a new form of spontaneity by throwing out the random outings with friends and sudden invitations to coffee, and instead adopting “possible” plans while being open to constantly canceling or being late from a poopy diaper. It’s realizing one’s obsessive compulsive tendencies for cleanliness are impossible to maintain. It’s running errands and realizing you remembered the baby bag, but you forgot your wallet. And though this is only a few minor examples of the changes one will face, wait till you try to travel.
When we first had our son, we thought it is going to be impossible to take road trips. He was not amused with his car seat, and even quick trips to the grocery store would turn heads to my car like a child was being tortured within its thin aluminum walls. We have the sweetest baby in most circumstances, but throw in a car seat and he turns into a gremlin who was fed too little after midnight. In many ways we are blessed that he is quite easy in comparison to most. However, that car seat was his nemesis from day one. It turned my dream for family road trips into a possible nightmare scenario. Our family living spread out across the west coast, road trips were supposed to be a somewhat regular thing, but I’m too young to die and too sensitive to deal with the tears of the innocent. My parents having used car rides as a soothing technique for me as a baby, I thought for sure my son would be in the same boat. But alas, he is not.
So here we are with a 6 month old, and we wanted to make a nice trip down to California from Oregon to visit his grandparents. The dilemma, how do we get there without dealing with a screaming baby the entire way? We didn’t want to fly with COVID being rampant and the idea of taking a newborn onto a flight is not always the most pleasant for everyone else on board. Then the idea of taking the train came to me. Why not? We can get up and move around if need be, and the baby won’t be forced into a car seat for the ride. We won’t have to stop so I can feed him every couples hours, and we can just sit back and relax all the way there. We also looked at getting a sleeper car, also known as a roomette, so that we could isolate from the other passengers. It was cheaper than a flight, but only a little more than it would have been to drive. The sleeper cars also come with a complimentary meal and drink, even multiple meals depending on how long you stay. The idea seemed worth a shot, and also kind of fun.
Now came the next step, packing for the three of us. My fiance and I have always been pretty against checking bags when flying, but this is a train. Less chance for our bags to go amiss, and a much quicker baggage claim since it doesn’t have to travel far. However, having an infant does require a lot more baggage, and we are allowed three bags each before we would have to pay for any additional. Between packing your own clothing and toiletries, to packing his, my usual one bag turned into three, plus a stroller, and my fiance still had his two bags since he had to bring his work laptop with him. Depending on the circumstances, you may also have to consider a car seat. Fortunately for us, my parents-in-law were able to find a used car seat and a bassinet for out stay. This kept us within the minimum of bags allowed for the two of us (because the baby doesn’t count since he is a free passenger) before we would have had to pay for additional baggage. We were even able to carry on a lunch box filled with snacks for the ride.
Once on the train, we found ourselves in our little sleeper room. And by little, I mean little. There was exactly enough room for the two of us to sit with the baby on my lap and a lap top between us on the fold down table. The floor space was able to house the diaper bag, but this did make for a bit of maneuvering whenever one of us wanted to step out to use the restroom. We had to keep the bag of snack on the steps that help you get to the upper bunk when it gets pulled down to sleep. When it does get pulled down, I ended up keeping the food bag on the foot of the bed so there wasn’t any obstacles for the upper bunk person if they needed to get down at any point. Fortunately, the bed was more than long enough that this didn’t really bother me. Keep in mind that I am only five foot six inches. The bed itself is less wide than a twin, but was super comfortable for what it is. I was able to sleep quite well with the baby tucked in by my side.
I know that discussing the room being such a small space may make it sound less desirable. But when comparing it to coach seating or sitting in a car for over 8 hours, it is actually still quite nice. There are also other more spacious rooms available, but the price jumps quite steeply. The other nice perk is that you aren’t confined to your room, though we did choose to spend most of our time there.
There is also a dining car where you can enjoy your complimentary meal if you don’t want to have it brought to your room, and there is an observation car that is spacious and full of windows. The rooms also provide you with the option to use the trains showers (the bigger rooms can come with their own), and there is also some bigger dressing rooms and a women’s lounge for doing makeup or any kind of primping.
After our week stay visiting family, our trip back was a bit different. The cost of the sleeper car was quite a bit more expensive for the trip back, so we opted to instead bid on some seats in business class. We originally had seats in coach, which would have been doable, though more uncomfortable. The seats in coach are okay for a single person, but not great when hoisting around a 20 pound 6 month old. Since the seats don’t recline much, I would have had to sleep with him strapped to my body and it would have more than likely been quite a restless night. Fortunately for us, we won our bid and were moved up to business class for an additional sixty bucks.
The seats were much more spacious and recline quite far with a leg and foot extension rest. We also got lucky that the business class section was quite empty, so the attendant for the business car that assigns the seats was gracious enough to give us an entire section of 4 seats. This allowed myself and the baby to actually lay down in two seats, while Patrick was able to utilize the other two. By extending out the leg rest, it was perfectly wide enough for the baby and I to lay side by side. The only discomfort was that I had to sleep with my legs bent all night, which made for some sore knees the next morning. This was still preferable to the alternative.
Business class also has the option to dine in the dining car. The train has limited space, so the amount of meals brought on to the train is limited to the sleeper cars and the business class. This does not mean that there is no food for any coach riders. There is still a nice snack car that has plenty of options from chips and muffins, to microwavable tamales and sandwiches. They also sell drinks from soda pops and juice, to beer, wine, and spirits.
Overall, I think that taking a train is a great way to travel more comfortably with a baby. Now, that being said, the plane ride for us would have only been a couple of hours, and the train took 12 hours. But the idea of taking a baby onto a plane without knowing how he would handle the pressure change had a barrage of scenarios running through my head of angry passengers and my child screaming to no end. I also thought it would be a fun experience to take the train. I did have this idea that my son would be more interested, but he is not yet at the age where he even really noticed it yet. Maybe when he is a bit older, though by then we may just fly. We are also lucky that our son is generally very easy. Taking a train may not be as successful if your baby has colic or is very fussy. At least, it may not be as pleasant for the other passengers. So, in that instance you have the dilemma of two hours on a plane with a screaming baby, or 12 hours on a train…
Now that we are home, I reflect on the trip and I can truly say that I found it quite enjoyable. I would do it again just for the experience. In fact, I have already spent quite some time researching how extensive traveling by train can be through the states, and I can see why people choose to travel this way. The scenery, the comfort, and even the people you meet on the train can be an amazing experience. If you haven’t taken the train before, maybe give it a try. Even if only for a few hours on a scenic route, or the next time you need to travel a couple towns over (if you have a means to getting around once there of course.) Happy travels!
My baby boy just hit 5 months and we finally hitting the exciting new milestone of starting him on solid foods. Pureed solid foods that is. As most new parents know, every milestone is exciting. Watching this little being slowly turn into a self reliant little person is absolutely incredible and exciting. As parents, the task can be daunting. Being in charge and responsible for this little person’s development and safety can add a lot of anxiety and uncertainty on our part. This uncertainty also exists on the journey of introducing our Littles to new foods.
These days, it’s hard to know what is even in the food we eat. There are so many ingredients with words we can’t even pronounce, and then there are the “natural flavors’’ and “spices”. Coming from someone whose in-laws are riddled with different allergies and intolerances, I have become hyper sensitive to how little most people even know about what they consume. In some ways, this sensitivity has given me a lot more insight into nutrition and food safety. Working in the food industry, I now feel a lot safer guiding people with various allergies to menu items that I can be sure won’t harm them. Being a lover of the culinary arts, I have found the challenges of substituting ingredients in recipes quite exciting. That said, knowing what I do, I can’t help feel a little hesitant about what I introduce to my son.
In the beginning, it seemed a little easier. Babies’ first foods are supposed to be simple plain foods like grains, fruits and vegetables that are pureed. Babies can only eat a tablespoon’s worth of food or so, 2 to 3 times a day in the beginning. After letting them try their first food, parents are supposed to wait anywhere from 3 days to a week before introducing a new food to allow the baby to adjust and make sure there no allergens detected. At first, I was nervous thinking – what if he has an allergic reaction to something? What does that even mean? Is his throat going to close up? Is he going to go into shock? I know, as a first time mother, these are the possible scenarios running through my head having heard stories of others’ allergic reactions. However, with babies being introduced to new foods, we are more commonly looking for a less drastic reaction, such as a rash. This is how little I knew of the situation, and after a lot of reading I finally felt my stress levels ease into the idea of introducing him to new foods.
Now I just had to decide which foods to start with. Babies have very sensitive palates, and we also want to set them up to eat right from the get-go. From everything I’ve read, starting off with healthy nutrient rich foods such as grains like quinoa or oatmeal, and vegetables such as peas, carrots, or green beans is a good way to introduce them to healthy foods that aren’t too intense in flavor. If you want to start with a fruit, try avocado, but save the sweeter stuff for later. If you start with sweet, you could set them up to have a pickier palate that leans more towards sweet foods. Veggies can be sweet enough in and of themselves. I started my son off with avocado being that it is a healthy fruit full of unsaturated fat that is easily digestible (and good for rapidly growing brains).
Another tip was to start them off with iron rich foods. Babies undergo a drastic drop in iron through their toddler years. There are two different types of iron: heme and non-heme. Heme is found in meats, while non-heme is found in plant based foods such as grains, beans, and leafy vegetables. As we don’t eat animals in this family, I have started him off with pureed peas and creamy oatmeal, and I will most likely incorporate some spinach or kale into this food in the near future. Another tip to help their bodies absorb the iron they need is to compliment iron rich foods with those rich in vitamin C. At this age, they can’t eat acidic fruits such as oranges, so to get that vitamin C content it is better to start them on pureed broccoli, kale, or strawberries.
The third food I started having him try is sweet potato. Sweet potatoes are nutrient rich and have a lot of beta carotene, which is great for healthy skin, eyesight, and immune support. I think it is always interesting to research the health benefits of different foods. It is good to try and get a well balanced meal plan that has strong developmental benefits. Of course, having him start with solid foods, but also having a continuous breast milk regimen and maintaining the consumption of prenatal vitamins ensures that he gets all the nutrients he ultimately needs for good development and growth.
Now to touch on my other concern: what is in our food? Rather than wade through the ingredients and worry about all the unknowns, I took it upon myself to make my baby food from scratch. This way I can buy my organic produce and have simple clean ingredients without any preservatives or additives. I invested in a vitamix blender, which I know is on the pricier side, but in the long run will be well worth the extra coin. I also made sure to get the dry ingredient attachment to help make my own cereals, and for various other recipes that I do for my everyday meals, not just baby. I would also recommend that if you do invest in a vitamix, that you also purchase the blade scraper (if you are like me and don’t like to waste any of your homemade food) and the tamper to really help get those ingredients blended or ground.
Now, this isn’t always the most feasible solution. I know that some mothers work and there isn’t a lot of time in the day. I will say that due to the good blender, it has really only taken me ten minutes maximum to make all his food. I would also purchase good baby containers that are stackable and freezable so that you can make enough up to 3 months (recommended freeze duration of baby food). I used OXO Tot blocks, which I have loved so far. I then just blend the ingredient with some water or breast milk to the consistency I prefer, and transfer them into the blocks. I already have backups of sweet potatoes and peas in my freezer. I also have a dry ingredient blender and have made my own oatmeal cereal that I enriched with some chia seeds and flax (that I also blitzed up to a powder. Did you know that chia seeds don’t release much of their antioxidants and fiber content into your body unless crushed, powdered or broken? So remember to grind them up first! It is also more cost effective to make your own baby food. From just one sweet potato you will get a week’s worth of baby food (at least while they’re young). If making your baby food is not feasible, I would say try to go as organic as possible. Try to find foods that don’t have unknown or unpronounceable ingredients. Starting your baby off with a healthy and safe diet is key in their development.
So to sum it up, testing out foods on your baby doesn’t have to be scary or hard. Start them off with simple ingredients – vegetables or fruit and water or breastmilk to thin it out if making your own food. Each week, introduce them to something new while maintaining some of the foods they have already tried. Try to keep foods less sweet, less acidic, and nutrient rich. Babies should still primarily eat breast milk or formula and have a bit of food 2 to 3 times a day. If they develop a rash, consult your pediatrician. Also, I highly recommend the Lictin Baby Food Set. All of these items were life changing for feeding my baby, whether from home or on the go. If baby doesn’t seem interested in a food you made, don’t give up. Let them try it again at a later date. Sometimes babies just need time to acclimate to these new flavors. And ultimately, have fun with it! Your baby will have an easier time adjusting if he associates new food with a positive and fun atmosphere.
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I found it reassuring during my pregnancy to discuss with other more experienced mothers my fears, questions, and expectations. I decided when I started this blog, that it would be interesting to regularly get other mothers stories. This being my first interview blog I’m sure will still leave many questions and room for development. Feel free to leave comments on how I can better these discussion, or what other questions could be beneficial for soon to be moms.
Momma: “How many children have you had?”
Jen: “Three.”
Momma: “Did you have a doctor or midwife and what was your reasoning behind this decision?”
Jen: “I had an OB-Gyn with my first child. At that time I didn’t really know that midwives were an option. When I got pregnant with my second twelve years later, I knew more and had midwives for my second two children. I wanted a more holistic approach with providers who knew me and provided longer appointments and were more involved. While my OB-Gyn was great, I knew a midwife would provide me with more natural options, and I was hoping to deliver at the midwifery, though that didn’t happen.”
Momma: “Did you feel like your pregnancies were easy or hard?”
Jen: “All my pregnancies were really easy. I joke that my body was made to be pregnant.”
Momma: “Did you have any morning sickness, swelling, or cravings?”
Jen: “I only threw up once during my first pregnancy and never had any morning sickness with the younger two. Swelling was natural towards the end but nothing of concern. With my first pregnancy I craved raspberry sherbert and lemonade. With my second it was magic bars from Barry’s Deli on campus here in Oregon. With my third, I didn’t really have any specific, ongoing cravings.
Momma: “Did you have any complications?”
Jen: “None.”
Momma: “Who else was in the room when you delivered?”
Jen: “Both my first child’s dad and my second two children’s dad were in the room for their respective births. I had people pop in and out while I was in labor, but during birth I had no one else. My oldest thought she would be in with me when I was giving birth to the kids, but she couldn’t handle it so she waited outside.”
Momma: “Did you get an epidural or go natural and what was your reasoning behind the decision?”
Jen: “With my first I had an intrathecal – a one time injection in the spine that is often referred to as a “walking epidural”. It took the edge off for about two hours, but by the time it came to push it had worn off. With the littles I had no pain meds. All the kids were induced with pitocin.”
Momma: “How prepared did you feel?”
Jen: “I felt pretty prepared, but I don’t think you can ever feel fully prepared because there are so many unknowns.”
Momma: “Did you know the gender of the baby ahead of time?”
Jen: “Yep!”
Momma: “Did you have a name chosen?”
Jen: “With the girls, yes. My son’s name was a last minute decision when I was being induced.”
Momma: “How did you feel in those first moments of meeting your baby?”
Jen: “Exhausted.” she laughs.
Momma: “Did your feelings change throughout the day, week, and so on?”
Jen: “Oh yes, I became obsessed with them, so so in love. Ridiculously in love. And that feeling happened within the first hour after the placenta was out and I was able to breathe.”
Momma: “Did you breastfeed, formula, or a mix?”
Jen: “I breastfed all three. My first was a mix of formula and breast milk when I went back to work when she was 12 weeks. My second I breastfed and pumped. My son was exclusively breastfed because I was a stay at home mom.”
Momma: “How was your experience breastfeeding?”
Jen: “I loved it.”
Momma: “Did you find breastfeeding easy or hard?”
Jen: “I found it easy. I didn’t have trouble with latching or anything. I know my experience is rare and try not to share it too often because I don’t want people to think it will be that way. The only hard part was when my milk came in because I became so engorged, and the shock of the uterine contractions when they fed as my uterus went back to it’s regular size.”
Momma: “Did you experience any postpartum depression?”
Jen: “No.”
Momma: “How was your first weeks at home with your baby?”
Jen: “With all of them, it was wonderful.”
Momma: “Was it harder, easier, or exactly what you thought it might be?”
Jen: “I didn’t really have any expectations of how it would be. I was just blissed out with all of them though.”
Momma: “Did you experience any colic?”
Jen: “No.”
Momma: “That’s great! Did you have an early scares with your children?”
Jen: “No.”
Momma: “Looking back at your pregnancies and birth’s, is there anything you would do differently?”
Jen: ”I would get the freaking epidural. There is no brownie points or gold stars for going natural. And having been induced my contractions were ROUGH. I would definitely get the epidural.”
During my pregnancy, we went through the dilemma of trying to figure out what to name our soon to be baby boy. Patrick (the father) and I both had very different ideas of what names we liked. I had a soft spot for Grayson, which he hated, and he had a thing for Forest, which I hated. We eventually both had a semi agreement with the name Lucas, but we still weren’t in love with it. We knew that we wanted something that related with our love for the outdoors and nature. And that is where I have to give my mother all the credit. She called me up and said, “what about Aspen?” When I brought the name up to Pat, we both finally felt like that was the name. Mind you, we already had the middle name picked out from the beginning, so it also had to flow well with his middle name. Aspen fit perfectly!
So here we were, finally with a chosen name, and now everyone is telling us “you have to do an aspen themed room.” Now Aspen could be either the mountain or the tree. Trying to replicate a mountain on a wall is a little tougher than a tree. I also didn’t feel like we needed to be so literal, but I did like the idea of painting some trees in his room. I knew that I wanted to have a lot of nature and animal themed art and toys in the room, and trees would blend perfectly with the rest of my vision for his room.
Next was the color scheme. I actually decided the color scheme around the mobile that I found for above his crib. I had searched for mobiles early on while in my obsessive nesting need to figure out every which way to re-do our house before the baby came. I would never have put that particular color combination together if I hadn’t seen how well it worked for the mobile. The walls in the room were already a blueish grey color, so all we needed was a pop of color not the crib wall. The mobile had a couple different grays, an off white color, and a kind of burnt orange color. Aspen trees, being very almost white and black, would look great against a something bright, so my fiancé and I tried to match the burnt orange as best as we could with the mobile. And that is exactly what color we painted the wall that the crib would lay against. After that, we had a great time painting the trees, and they stood out in a beautiful way against the brightness of the orange.
The materials we used were paint rollers, a paint tray, and painters tape for the orange wall. Then we used a decent sized paintbrush for the trunks of the trees. I used my acrylic painting brush for the finer branches and the black outline, as well as some of the details in the trunks. However, most of the details in the trunks we used the sponge brushes to get the textural and splotchy appearance.
The trees themselves were not very hard to paint. After Pat and I got the wall all orange, I threw a little painting party with my mother and best friend and we painted the white trunks of the trees.
They left me do the branches being the art major and being fearful they wouldn’t get it right (I’m sure they would have been fine). And Pat and I finished up by outlining the trees in black and adding the black knots and lines in the trunks.
We love the way it turned out, and Aspen loves looking at the contrast of the trees. All in all, the room came together great, especially with the nice addition of stuffed animals and animal pictures that tied the room together in the end.
